So the kitchen table is covered with many of the things I have been avoiding this week...most of which is schoolwork that needs corrected or tests/quizzes that needs to be typed up for my two older children for their homeschooling adventures. There's also my bible ....which is another story altogether. (I guess there could be many takes on that....)
Anyway, my mood is still down quite a bit and everything I do is a challange. Everything is a struggle. From getting out of bed in the morning, to talking to people and acting like everything is fine (or at least trying to appear as though everything is fine) to making breakfast or dinner or even playing with my toddler...though that is the easiest of all the things to do... somehow his genuine smiles and laughter and desire to be with me is truly the best medicine right now. Unfortunately sometimes one has to say no to that toddler to do those other tasks that are responsibilities that must be done, no matter how much the thought of doing so disdains me.
My patience is running thin as well. Those things I normally TRY to ignore around the house (things out of place, individuals tone of voice and their seemingly need to 'argue' about things, leftovers not being eaten, things not getting done, and yes, even the little man that constantly wants to play because I'm frustrated that I can not just do that all the time). Sigh.
During this time I can't even bring myself to pick up a good book. But I would like to write. I know I don't have time to write a manuscript. But maybe I could get myself to blog if I could just ease up on myself about even thinking about doing it daily because there's just no way and realizing I don't have time to do it the way I would want to. I'd like to write more here on our lifestyle.... how we eat and why we eat that way. About the toxins we avoid because of the extensive research we have done and what we have learned about the things most people assume are perfectly safe when they are not (foods and medications approved by the FDA, vaccinations, MSG, GMO's, and so much more) but I don't know where to start and I don't have time to document everything.... And I'd like to write about homeschooling, my faith (though I struggle right now I still know that Orthodoxy is the True Faith and that all that the church teaches is truly what I need right now to reach healing of mind, body and soul), my kids, and so much more.
Well, if nothing else my avoiding responsibilities has accomplished in at least one blog post here. I hope there is more to come.... I hope someone out there will be interested. I hope I can find a way to manage doing this and still manage to tackle some of those responsibilities I have been neglecting. I hope the people around me, especially my dear husband can continue to be patient with me as I struggle to get back to the service and start truly living again.
And I hope one day I can write about it in a more constructive way and help others.